She Doesn't Desire His Love
by Hinata28h
Summary: Love was a powerful feeling. Some say that it saved that Potter boy and it was something the dark lord could not have. It is a feeling that Roderich could never understand, however she didn't care about that. "I have enough love for the two of us." AusHun. Three-Shot. (Reference setting: Harry's 6th year)
1. How He Feels

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Hetalia nor Harry Potter.

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Roderich felt stuck, looking at the bottle he held in his hand. He wasn't sure anymore of what he was doing. On the outside his actions were for someone else, however on the inside, maybe it was his own selfishness. Of all the accomplishments Roderich will ever complete in his life, old and someday new, this is the one that would haunt him forever. It's ethically wrong. There's no morality or authenticity to it. It's fake, manipulative, deceitful, and it's even banned from Hogwarts' grounds. There's so many reasons he knows why he shouldn't even use it for whatever reason, however, it could be the answer to a problem he can't fix.

A love potion for someone who cannot love... romantically.

To make matters worse, he planned to use it for Elizaveta.

The plan was already in motion and there was no turning back now, he'd already bought the potion from Fred and George's shop. The embarrassment that came to seemingly being the only boy buying this product was not to go in vain. To anyone else, he could simply toss the love potion out and pretend like nothing happened or he could continue with the love potion and everyone gets their happily ever after. He gripped the bottle in his hand, this was something he had to do. This was after all, for Elizaveta.

He'd do anything for her, and she deserved nothing but the best. However, he was not the best, and therefore he needed to use the love potion. Elizaveta deserves the feeling of love and he didn't care for guilt to come. It was not heavier than the guilt he already held onto.

To not love her properly.

He felt like a heartless, cold, inept monster incapable of loving. Everything she was not. She is human. She is what humans are supposed to be like while he is a broken mistake that cannot understand the so-called wonderful feelings of love. Yet she still chose him above all who could truly love her.

She loved him for him, knowing he could never reciprocate the feelings and he's never felt so guilty for feeling that he's robbed her of love and her soulmate. She loved him because it was him, and he only wished he felt the same for her.

He only admires her. He respects her for all that she is and holds the highest regards for her. She is his best friend and he cannot imagine a day where she is not in his life. Yet, he does not love her in any romantic aspects.

Love is supposed to be this ultimate feeling of intimacy yet it does not reveal its romantic form to Roderich. He understands familial and platonic love, yet he's never felt romantic love. Roderich sees romance as the colors red, white, and pink. As hearts, chocolate kisses, roses and bouquets. When people are said to be so immersed with their beloved one that they forget the whole world around them. Or love creates the butterflies in one's stomach and so that people become too nervous and panicked around their loved one. Yet, those feelings and emotions are still foreign to him.

He looks to where she could be and makes his decision.

He was doing this for her.

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 **[N/A:** Things will be explained later. **]**


	2. How She Feels

Elizaveta was in the library trying to find a book of antidotes based on the class activity Professor Slughorn had done earlier that day. During class, she wasn't able to brew a feasible antidote to solve the phial she received in the class. Normally, she did rather well in the class, with her own experiences of her mother's home-remedy concoctions and her father's muggle medical knowledge. However, what she learned from her parents did not help her in that class example and she couldn't let that stop her from solving it. She did hear about the Potter boy using bezoars as his answer, but she felt it was better to know how to make antidotes instead. Thus, in her stubbornness, she was looking for her answers at the library.

She spent a few hours on her own looking for a book but she wasn't all that familiar with the library's book system— the Granger girl specialized in that area. Elizaveta decided to ask around and see if anyone else could help her find the book, but a certain someone caught her attention.

"Roderich? Fancy seeing you here, here to keep me company again?" She asked the Ravenclaw while taking a seat at a nearby table. He smiled at her with an odd cheer to his voice as he answered, "Is it a crime to see my love? However, yes I did want to see you again."

"I'm flattered as always, but I'm taking a breather at the moment. This library is enormous." She sighed. He smiled at her lovingly, but she wasn't aware of that expression for him. She knew Roderich's mannerism and personality quite well and though his actions were something he'd do; his behavior didn't fit. She eyed him as he gazed at her with an odd expression. Looking if he was exhibiting any symptoms from a spell or potion, she assumed his appearance to be fine despite knowing something was amiss. She placed the back of her hand onto his forehead, surprising him a bit.

"Are you sick? You don't feel any warmer but you have an odd expression on your face." She asked him feeling concerned. The boy laughed.

"Yes, I'm fine and definitely not sick. Is my face not appealing to you anymore?"

Elizaveta huffed. "Oh, don't you tease me. You've never made that expression before, or at least I've never seen you make it. It's odd."

"I wouldn't know unless I were to look in a mirror. Although I can assure you that I'm not ill, simply happy to give my love some company."

"Well, if you say so… I've taken a break long enough, back to finding that book. I'll see you at dinner, okay?"

"As always."

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 **[A/N:** Whoops, a two-shot became a three-shot. **]**


	3. How They Feel

She felt... horrified that he'd taken a love potion. That would be the word to describe her emotions. Not anger. Not hurt, betrayal, or even flattery. It was fear. Scared of what he did to himself. That he would so willing to change himself for her, in a way that would never be natural to him. Elizaveta _**never**_ wanted Roderich to _**ever**_ feel that he had to change something to feel a– sensation? an– experience? that he could not by himself. She understood where he was coming from and why he'd take a love potion, but he shouldn't have.

He didn't love her. Not like how she did for him. So... he took a love potion.

There is no official word they knew to explain how Roderich felt. He is capable of loving others and expressing love, but it appeared that a form of love is... non-existent for him.

Romantic love.

Roderich can grace Elizaveta with romantic songs, gestures, and complements. He knew what made her feel loved and cherished. He understood the concept of romance but he is a sucker for romantic novels and stories. Yet Roderich knew he couldn't feel that... specific emotion and it _scared_ him. He felt broken and unhuman. Why did Elizaveta love him?

He knew her emotions were romantic for him but all he felt for her is that he loves his best friend... like a friend. Elizaveta is the most amazing person and he can't imagine anyone taking her place, but it's not love. He doesn't love her like that. She's his best friend and he feels selfish that he wants to be the one on her side. He never wants to let her go.

It's the most solid and pure state of platonic love that he's sure she's already family to him. However, it's not romantic and she's willing, no, confident that she'll always be his.

Elizaveta loves Roderich with emotions she can't explain.

Roderich loves Elizaveta with words that don't exist.

.

.

.

She had only figured he'd taken a love potion when his weirdness and overall uncharacteristically lovestruck-self began to get carried away with all the "love". It was then that Elizaveta had recognized that Roderich matched the symptoms of a love potion and immediately sought Professor Slughorn for an antidote.

It wasn't the most... comfortable meeting. A few students were aware of the two dating however they didn't know how different their relationship is from others. Having to explain to Professor Slughorn that Roderich, her boyfriend, used a love potion to make himself fall in love with her was not exactly... logical. Well to her it made sense because she knew Roderich, but to anyone else it would not make sense.

Of course, the man looked at the two with confusion and– something else Elizaveta didn't understand. Suspicion? Fear? However, understanding the problem Slughorn did give Roderich an antidote in the end, with the additional scolding that love potions should not be messed with and that love could not be created through spells or potions.

Elizaveta could see Roderich hurt inside because she knew he felt awful for a different reason.

He wanted to love her the same.

.

.

.

They sit in their corner of the Ravenclaw's common room, on the floor huddled together as they hold hands. They're at peace but there is also hurt. Her voice carries off as a soft whisper so close to breaking, she knows his voice has.

"You don't need to love me like that." She says knowing he has to hear it. "You don't need to love me the way like I love you."

"It's wrong." He says flatly but the tone doesn't need to carry the emotions he's held onto for so long. It's the speed he answers the moment she finishes her statement.

"No it's not. We work. There's trust, there's us, and there's a special type of love we have all to ourselves." She replies knowing that what they have is the truest and purest experiences of love they can have.

"Why me?" He asks because he'll never understand.

"Why me?" She asks because she didn't need to understand.

"Am I selfish to want to be the only one by your side?"

"Be selfish. I have enough love for the two of us."

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 **[A/N:** Aromantic. **]**


End file.
